So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
