OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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