i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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