no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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