Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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