zippers are such a cool invention
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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