shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
