last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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