i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
