I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
