Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
