and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
