I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
