I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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