Do you still have your period?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
it was like eating out sand paper
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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