she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
should my penis look like a turkey
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
