I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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