TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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