i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
