i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
