Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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