her vagine was all disorganized.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
