I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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