Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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