just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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