I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
