I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
