The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
