The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
