Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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