Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
