It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
