I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
40s are totally the cure
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
