a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
