What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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