i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
