I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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