Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
