Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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