You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
