My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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