Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
