Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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