Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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