your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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