Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
