its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
