Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Is Oprah even human
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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