I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
