she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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