Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
