do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
