Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i would punch a child for taco bell
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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