Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
